


Warmth

by Charulein



Category: League of Legends
Genre: But Kat is there to help, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff, Insomnia, Lux is having a bad time, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:01:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23859508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charulein/pseuds/Charulein
Summary: When Lux suffers from a heavy panic attack, Katarina is there to help her through it - but what happens after?
Relationships: Katarina Du Couteau/Luxanna "Lux" Crownguard
Comments: 2
Kudos: 58





	Warmth

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MWindrunner](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MWindrunner/gifts).



> A big thank you to Valky for giving me the motivation to finish this one<3

Moonlight illuminated the room, spilling it’s gentle sheen onto the sheets. It was heavy with memories, this room, this bed - so heavy even the light couldn’t help lift the weight of what seemed to be the entire world off of Lux’ shoulders. Sleep, again, evaded her as her mind kept retracing the past, reliving fears deeply buried within. How often did she lie awake like this, wondering when the door to her room would fly open and they’d take her away? 

Back then Lux didn’t know much, just stories of magic boogeymen and the heroes who’d bring them to justice. She never liked them much, these ‘heroes’, but the day light sprung from her hands she started to fear them. Little has changed since she was a child, only now the heroes had names and faces - all too familiar ones.

She stretched out her hand toward the ceiling, trying to ignore the throbbing pain blooming underneath her ribs. Shallow breaths usually did the trick until it faded, but not tonight. There was nothing to be scared of, right? The residency was completely empty in this season, no one who could hurt her was here - she checked, and double-checked, went through every little detail—

But what if she made a mistake?

Oh no.

Oh no, oh no, oh no.

_'Calm down, just calm down. A shadow thrives beside the light, a shadow thrives-'_

Sharp pain shot through her chest and even her mantra wasn’t enough to keep the panic at bay. It was too much, all at once, just like last time, _it’s always like last time only worse, so much worse._ Lux couldn’t calm her breathing, couldn’t stop the tears from gathering in the corners of her eyes, couldn’t blink them away- She screwed her eyes shut when the world started to spin, but it hurt too much to fill her lungs with enough air to keep it still.

_‘It hurts.’_

She curled herself up, tried to be smaller, tried to shut it all out. 

_‘Please, make it stop…!’_

No matter how many shallow breaths she took it kept hurting, like her heart was going to pop any minute, any second now, so she clutched her chest in a fruitless effort to make it stop - but it didn’t. Her world kept spinning; her chest kept hurting; and a single thought kept running through her mind over and over and over again.

_‘I don’t want to die.’_

_‘Idontwanttodieidontwanttodieidontwanttodieidontwanttodie—’_

“Lux!”

The familiar voice finally came through to Lux, finally made her open her eyes - and she saw Katarina illuminated by her own light.

“I’m here, I’m _here,_ ” Katarina said softly, her voice cutting through the deafening crescendo of Lux’ thoughts, a drop of calm into the stormy sea that was Lux’ heart. “It’s going to be alright, okay?” 

Lux only nodded and kept her eyes glued onto Katarina, heart still hammering wildly against her ribcage.

“Do as I do, one deep breath after the other.” As Katarina breathed in so did Lux, shakily at first, afraid that the pain would get worse. When it didn’t after the first, second, third breath, she started to relax, gaining more and more confidence until she could keep up with Katarina, until they were breathing as one.

Inhale.

Wait.

Exhale.

Repeat.

Slowly but surely it brought Lux back into the here, into the now, calmed the light within. The world stopped spinning, her heart finally calmed, and the pain was all but another unpleasant memory again. Katarina still looked at her with those impossibly green eyes, the worry slowly fading from her gaze and relief taking its place.

“Feeling better?”

“Mhm,” Lux murmured softly, her voice barely audible, “...sorry for worrying you, Kat.”

“It’s okay.” Katarina seemed pensive, if just for a moment, before giving Lux a soft smile. She raised her hand towards Lux’ face as if to wipe away a stray tear but shied away, instead pulling the blanket over Lux’ shoulders. It felt… Warm.

Could it be…? 

Her hand was still shaking when she reached toward the ceiling again, wondering if she should voice the thought which had just crossed her mind. It could backfire, but… Only fools hesitate, huh?

“Kat, you’ve… You’ve been through a lot too, right?”

Surprise ghosted across Katarina’s features as she almost instinctively tensed up; Lux was about to backpedal when Katarina… Nodded and waited for her to continue.

She wasn’t sure if it was the intimacy of the moment - sharing a bed in the dead of night - or helping her through that vulnerability of her own which made Katarina open up, but she would treasure it all the same. It was a sign of growing trust - and trust was something Katarina guarded well. 

“Does this pain ever go away?”

"I don't think so," Katarina said in a calm voice, as if reflecting upon her past. Her gaze drifted towards the window before she continued the thought.

"It's all a part of living, proof you're alive. And going on despite it takes strength." Lux saw the look in her eyes when Katarina turned toward her again - saw the flames of passion, of defiance burning brightly.

Somehow, it made her feel very small in her skin.

"Sometimes I don't feel strong enough," she whispered half to Katarina and half to herself. Her hand sunk back to her chest as she looked away from Katarina; it was hard to endure her gaze sometimes. 

"You're still here, right? Still breathing, still living." Katarina gently took Lux’ hand into hers, guiding it towards the ceiling again. "You're stronger than you think, Lux." 

Moonlight illuminated Katarina's features and for a moment something new sparked in her eyes. It felt fleeting, like a simple play of the pale light. But Kat's hand was still in hers when she lowered it, her warm touch giving Lux the solace she never thought she needed. Slowly, softly, Lux brushed her thumb across Kat's knuckles, hoping she wouldn't flinch away from her.

She didn’t.

Emboldened by the flutter in her heart, Lux slowly curled her fingers around Katarina’s and gave her just the tiniest squeeze. 

"You're making me start to believe you, Kat." A breathless little laugh escaped her lips.

“Good.” Katarina squeezed back and suddenly Lux’ heart began to race - but not out of fear this time. Without thinking Lux brought Kat's hand to her cheek, and to her surprise Katarina let her. Warm knuckles softly brushed against her skin as she nuzzled into the touch. Lux closed her eyes, relishing in the affectionate gesture, the first one she felt in years. 

Suddenly, however, the warmth slipped her fingers. When she opened her eyes prepared for the inevitable disappointment she saw Kat shifting instead and… Arm extended towards her, offering a hug. Lux propped herself up on her elbow, not quite believing her own eyes. The slightest smile graced Kat's lips, her cheeks a deep red, as she almost nervously glanced towards Lux - if Katarina _could_ get nervous. It still seemed impossible. 

But then again, everything else that happened seemed impossible, too. 

When Lux sank into Katarina's arms her chest felt so full that it could burst from happiness at any moment. They fit together perfectly, all the broken pieces aligning themselves into something new, something _whole_. Could they actually... have this?

Could _she_ have this?

No, _could_ or _couldn’t_ didn’t matter anymore - she _wanted_ this, _wanted_ Katarina; and as long as Katarina felt the same, she wouldn’t let go of her.

“You’re warm, Kat.”

Katarina pulled her closer in response, close enough that Lux could feel her racing heartbeat. It matched her own heart’s excited pace, matched her own feelings’ intensity. She buried her face in the crook of Katarina’s neck and breathed in her scent - it was heavy, smelled of leather and steel and a hint of something sweet Lux couldn’t quite place. Even so, there was something soothing about it, something that made her feel… Safe.

She let these impressions wash over her, tried to commit them all to memory: The steady rise and fall of Katarina’s chest, the little circles she traced on her back, the sheer warmth of her body. But as hard Lux tried to stay awake, she couldn’t escape the exhaustion from before any longer. Her eyes stubbornly kept fluttering close and any conscious thought faded into bits and pieces, yet she wasn’t alone.

Katarina’s hand slowly stilled, but before she drifted off completely she placed a kiss atop of Lux’ head. It was soft, barely noticeable, but it meant everything to Lux.

It felt like home.

**Author's Note:**

> I had a really bad panic attack the other day so I wrote Lux having one too bc I didn't want to suffer alone c': At least Lux had Kat to hold her, so it's all good.
> 
> Anyway! Thank you for reading, as well as kudos and comments<3


End file.
